You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
