really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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