She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
3pm strippers are depressing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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