It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
