I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
