awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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