Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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