I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
