It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
