Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize