"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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