dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
