just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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