Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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