Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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