3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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