Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i out mim tonsoeep
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
