and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
