Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
