Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
did i walk over a car last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
