Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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