God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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