he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
