dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
