He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
