we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
