I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
