when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
