You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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