Hey man sorry I got all grabby
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
