You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
