Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
