woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
