my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
