I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
