Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
