My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
