just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
