Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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