you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
