I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
