just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
