Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
