OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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