Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize