They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
