fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
