i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
