I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
