My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
