I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
