How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
