yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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