Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
