Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
