There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
