And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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