like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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