Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
