Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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