i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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