you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
false alarm. still invincible.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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