He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
