never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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