I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
