Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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