I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
