Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
