God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
