U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
