I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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