chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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